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staticpoison:

thanl:

off-the-wall-geek:

So I went on Omegle today out of boredom and I meet up with three police officers from Iraq. We all became best friends and had a competition of “who can balance an object on their head the longest.” I chose a shoe and they chose a gun. I ended up winning with the shoe. I think this screenshot really captures the spirit. 

that’s legitimately one of the cutest things i’ve ever seen happen on the internet

sometimes i really like humans

supernatural-tardis:

i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

cumberbear:

gethinblake:

everyone please realise that benedict and martin are in all likelihood actually not remotely bothered by the word soccer lol it’s like very very common in southern england to intentionally ham up the whole hoity toity anglocentric thing for comedic effect

Yep it’s a typical Brit thing to be a sarcastic little shit and take the piss out of things whilst taking the piss out of ourselves at the same time. They honestly mean nothing by it. 

poeticslave:

kyriasmith:

beben-eleben:

During a robbery, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!” 

This is called “Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do! 

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.” 

The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!” 

This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications! 

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.” 

This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!” 

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!” 

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery. 

This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks! 

So who are the real robbers here?

Oh

Wow… If you don’t read this, you’re wilding.

Girls

fullmetalpuppy:

Some girls are confident

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some girls are shy

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some girls like boys

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some girls like girls

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sometimes, they like both

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some girls don’t dress in a feminine way

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and some do

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and some girls weren’t born girls, and that’s fine

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some girls cover up

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and some girls don’t

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some girls are bigger

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some girls are smaller 

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some girls are smart

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and some girls aren’t

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some girls are nice

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and some girls are mean

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but no matter what,

all girls are people 

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and we should be treated like it.

(Source: f--m--p)

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